I recently overheard someone say, “I can be in a room with 100 other healthy, attractive, available men and I’ll be drawn like a magnet to the one that will treat me badly, just like my past relationships.”
If the people you meet always prove what you believe about people you date, take a closer look at what it is that you’re chasing and why. Try changing how you think about people who may not traditionally be your ‘type’. It is possible to get out of the ‘always’ trap and discover new people and personalities that work better for you.
It’s okay to have standards, but if you’re having trouble finding a relationship, it’s worth questioning if your personal standards and criteria are inline with what you really want and need. There is a big difference between being unwilling to date someone with an addiction vs. stating you’d never date anyone with a beard, a brunette, or someone with different political or cultural affiliations.
We all need to challenge our idea of ideal at some point in our lives. This is not lowering your standards or looking for ‘boring’. As you learn and grow as an individual, set aside time to assess whether the people you surround yourself with help or hinder your personal growth and fulfill what you’re looking for in life.
Good beginnings are about connection. If you’re an explosive attraction junkie but are frustrated because you’d like to be in a relationship – try something new. It may feel awkward to initiate a conversation at first with someone who isn’t your ‘type’, but if you want change, give it a chance. Meet different people. Expand your comfort zone. A change of pace is good sometimes.
How do you start? With a conversation. Say, “hello!” Answer someone’s question and make small talk.
If you’re over the way your relationships or dating experiences always work out, try something different. Reconsider they kind of people that have historically been your type. Take the time to figure out what you really want and need in a partner. Who knows, you might surprise yourself. There could be someone wonderful you never expected, wishing they could meet someone just like you.